To Question A Master
by Realistic Logical Ideologist
Summary: If Po the 'Mighty Dragon Warrior' can teach the Kung Fu Beginners class, then Master Tigress should have no problem...right?


Hello all!

I am basically a returning fanfic author (originally joined under the pseudonym 'Cryztalix' but lost all my account info) who just wants to use this as an opportunity to brush up on my writing skills.

For right now, I will just repost the fics that I wrote from several years back. Some of you may remember them while others may not- if you do remember them, awesome! If you're new to them, then I welcome you aboard to my odd sense of humor and writing style.

ENJOY!

Kung Fu Panda is officially owned by DreamWorks and clearly not myself.

STORY IS RATED "S" FOR SILLY...or stupid...whichever.

"To Question A Master"

_If Po the "Mighty Dragon Warrior" can handle a group of children, then it really shouldn't be much of a problem for Master Tigress...right? Reviews are greatly appreciated!__  
_

All was well in the Valley of Peace. Everyone was at ease after hearing how the Dragon Warrior had not only defeated the vicious Tai Lung, but the vile Lord Shen as well.

The Jade Palace is known for opening its doors to any villagers who wish to learn the art of Kung Fu...well, with the small price of $25.00 of course.

Today, Master Tigress decided to take charge of teaching those HORRID- er, I mean-'Splendid' children...She didn't necessarily look forward to such crazy antics, but hey, if Po could do it, then maybe she would also have what it takes...

...Keyword was:'Maybe'.

She was walking torwards the large, wooden doors that lead to the courtyard and already she could hear hollers, yelling, and things breaking.

'If they keep it up at this rate, Shifu is gonna have to charge a little more than twenty five bucks...' she mused- completely disregarding the fact that the term "bucks" is not an accurate way to describe Ancient China's currency.

KABOOM!

A loud explosion sounded from the other side of the door.

'...Like maybe a couple pounds of gold bars or a body part or something...'

Tigress busted the doors to the courtyard open. She examined her students (a.k.a 'victims for today').

They mostily consisted of little bunny rabbit children.

'I wonder how come our village only has just rabbits, pigs, and geese...there's other different species on this planet too, ya know..' she thought while standing there at the center of the courtyard. The bunnies literally gaped at the feline before them. The head leader of the Furious Five, Master Tigress, was standing right there, in front of them!

Many of the children stared at how majestic yet dangerous she looked with those stripe markings on her- because we all know, if you have marks on your face, you mean serious business.

Others marveled at how her eyes looked bright enough to be seen even in the darkest of caves. And some bunnies... well... they were scared of her sharp fangs and claws.

Hey, they were bunnies, you can't blame 'em.

"... Surely there are some raccoons or bears in china too, right? while Tigress was still pondering about the Valley of Peace's "Animal Inventory", she almost didn't notice that all the children had their attention mostly on her.

"... or lions... no wait, aren't they from Africa...? Eh, I'll Google it later on."

Suddenly snapped from her trance, she looked at all the little bunny children staring at her with intense looks on their faces... a little too intense...

"Ahem" She arranged herself in a more proper manner, "Good afternoon class, I'm-"

"-You're Hawt!" Exclaimed a small child on the crowd.

Tigress growled openly which frightened the children. She didn't like the fact that not only was she just cut off while trying to give a formal greeting, but that she was also getting hit-on... by a small bunny child...

'Disturbing' was an understatement.

Considering her growl silenced anymore future outbursts, she continued-

"Now, I don't know how the Dragon Warrior has taught you- (Considering IF he's even capable of that) *Cough*- but when any elder or master is to speak, you give them your full-undivided attention and complete, utter silence.

Not an unreasonable, poor attempt at hitting on them. Is that understood?" She hissed.

"Y-yes Master Tigress!" The bunnies responded shakily, bowing before her calm, yet agitated figure.

"... Good, now, before we get started, any questions?" A small furry hand went up. "Yes? You in the back."

"Master tigress, do people always hit on you?" said the small child, Tigress sighed, "This is going to be a long day..."

A laugh was heard from the other side of the large wooden doors.

A laugh that was a little too familiar for Tigress.

"Po, what do you need?" The laughter subsided a bit and was followed by a very high-pitched voice, - "Uhm... Po's not here right now, uh , please leave a message after the beep."

The little bunnies laughed at Po's poor imitation of a female... Tigress didn't.

She back flipped and kicked a hole into the doors pulling the quite large panda through it.

The children looked scared along with Po who, after Tigress' little act, let out a small "Beep."

Tigress frowned at Po's silliness, "Now I'll repeat this once more since there is a class here... What. Do. You. Need? " Po was feeling rather uncomfortable within the Tigress' grasp, and her piercing glare wasn't helping him out, Not. One. Bit.

"Uh... I was just gonna watch you teach the class, really!" He stated shakily, "You teach them all the time Po, I think I can teach them some lessons too without your help." she stated.

"Are you sure? cuz, cuz you and I can work together, and, and we can let these kids witness the TRUE AWESOMENESS that is Kung Fu!" He shouted excitingly.

"... or I can just work by myself and let these kids witness a murder scene instead." Tigress retorted cooly while unsheathing her claws.

Po gulped at the sharpness of those things, she must've been scratching on those ironwood tress again.

"eh- Heh, c'mon Tigress, I don't think these guys wanna witness something like that, I mean really, who sit through watching you obliterate my fa-"

"Oh! Me! Me!" Said some of the bunnies,

"Do it, Master Tigress!. They said, waving their paws excitingly in the air.

One child even said, "MAKE HIM CRY! I WANNA SEE TEARS ROLLING DOWN THOSE FAT CHEEKS OF HIS!"

Po wasn't sure whether to feel offended by that comment, or just plain scared of that kid. He looked at Tigress who was giving him the; 'I-rest-my-case' look.

He gave her the,'Oh-come-on-please-just-this-once' look.

She retorted with the,'Absolutely-not-you'll-only-make-things-worse' look.

Then Po gave her the,'Hey-did-you-know-you-could-get-a-five-dollar-footlong-at-your-participating-Subway?' look.

"I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT IS!" Tigress snapped back, forgetting that it was only a look, not an actual statement.

"Master Tigress, you're not going to kill the Dragon Warrior are you?' A little girl bunny asked.

Tigress muttered, "I don't know, try me and we'll find out." as she released her death grip from Po.

"Alright Panda, you may stay...for now..." She said darkly.

"AWESOME!...I think." Po said.

"Okay, time for training." Tigress got in a fighting stance.

"Hey Tigress, since this is your first class, why not tell them more about yourself?"

The crowd of bunnies hopped excitingly, "Yes! Please! We want to know more about the great Master Tigress!"

She was really not in the mood for this, but gave in to the children's pleas. Not only because she was flattered that they were actually interested in her life story,

-but because Po was starting to do this weird little dance as a poor attempt to persuade her into telling them.

And honestly, it was starting to creep her out.

"Okay, okay..." Tigress said.

"WHOO!" went the bunnies.

"AW YEAH BABY!" said Po.

"So...what do I tell them besides the fact that I'm a TIGER, 'Oh-so-smart' Dragon Warrior?"

Po, who just now , got hit with the 'realization brick' of the fact that the students, along with the ENTIRE Valley of Peace, already knew much about Tigress, responded with, "I dunno..answer their questions I guess.."

Tigress, who was a bit peeved that he was starting to 'wing-it', turned to the students and awaited their questions.

"So..." she started, "Anything about me you seemed curious to know?"

A hand raised.

"Yes, your question?"

"Do you use kitty litter?"

Tigress, (who by the way was conveniently drinking some water at the moment), literally choked at the question.

The question that was directed at her regarding her bathroom methods.

Po had to summon all the Chi he could muster to keep from laughing at the question, but soon got nervous seeing that Tigress nearly drowned herself with a cup of water just by listening to it.

"UH...How bout another question?" Po shakily suggested.

"Hey Master Tigress, is it true that your tail has a mind of its own and that when you go to sleep it goes out on assigned missions granted to it because it also happens to be a secret agent that fights crime?"

"W-WHAT?" Tigress just stared dumbfounded at that particular kid.

"Is your tail a boy or a girl?" another child piped up.

"HUH?" Tigress didn't understand how her innocent, little tail got mixed in with secret agents and unknown genders.

"Oh, OH! Master Tigress! I heard that your tail was gonna have a baby shower for next month!"

Tigress stood there...shocked, speechless, and not to mention, VERY uncomfortable at the moment. Her eye did that 'Master Shifu' twitch...thing.

Po, on the other hand, had fainted (according to the younglings) on the ground from laughing so hard at all those rather unnecessary questions.

Tigress closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

"Well, as much as I enjoy to be notified of my tail's...'adventures'..I think that the Dragon Warrior would LOVE to hear some of your questions as well, cuz, you see, he ADORES being asked. So goon! He's waiting!" Tigress guided the children to Po's direction.

The passed out panda had sprung up after the last sentence, "Huh, say what?"

"Um...Dragon Warrior?" One frail bunny came up to Po.

"Master Tigress told us you love questions...may I ask one, p-please?"

Po looked at the bunny, amused that that Tigress would 'try' to turn Po's idea on himself.

Well, whatever it was, he could take it! Unlike Tigress, his tail didn't have split personalities.

"Go ahead kid, I'm ready! Ask me anything!"

He felt ready to take on the world.

"Did you ever have a girlfriend before?" the bunny asked.

Po froze, he said he was ready for ANYTHING...

...just not THAT.

This time it was Tigress' turn to laugh at Po.

But she didn't. She couldn't do such a thing...

...not when she has all year to rub it in his face, of course.


End file.
